Day 27 (Rest Day): Mimes, Puppies, and Slide

Saturday, July 29th. We are in Newton, KS.

Right off the bat I think it’s important to note that we crossed the meridian of the US today. That means we’re over half-way across the country, though 2/3rds through the trip. Well, enough of that.

We spent the day in Newton, a city slightly north of Wichita with a population of 17,000 or so. There are a few things I need to get off my chest about Newton. It’s a crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy place that makes you crazy. First, we show up and sleep in a park that is claimed by two gangs, though luckily they aren’t at war currently. They scoped us out when we first appeared and I suppose our lycra-clad selves revealed no threat. (It’s hard to conceal a .45 in spandex shorts.) Then we find out that trains go 5 mph through Newton all day and night and blast their horn every 10 feet (no joke, we saw it). Also, 80% of the town is apparently over 85 years old which means in 10 years the population of Newton will drop below 1,000. Lastly, it was ridiculously hot, day as well as night. Did I mention the gangs?

But all that is okay, simply for the reason that we camped 25 feet from a giant municipal pool that had [insert many sweltering adjectives here] life guards and a giant Miracle Slide™. It takes about 5 hours of swimming and sliding to truly saturate yourself with all the goodness after four weeks of cycling. Only one issue, the lifeguards held the power to allow us to go down the slide as a “5-man CCFC train”, but they chose to deny us even after Paddy displayed how slowly and safely we could slide (he took 2 minutes to slide down what would normally take 8 seconds — queued children began to cry). When we left the pool our fingers and toes were beyond pruning and every orifice burnt with chlorine.

Then God delivered mimes to our front door. At first we thought they were Jews, but David straightened us out. We watched them practice miming by slapping brick walls and pretending to laugh with their hands on their stomachs. So, in time, 30 mimes put on a show at the pool from 7-9pm and then invited us to join them for watermelon and K-brand sodas. I’m now convinced the 1930s surrealist movement began in Newton.

I think we need to see another angle to properly wrap our finite brains around this event…

btw, I left my heart in the pool that day. It was bloody and painful. (I’d come back for you, hott-ness, but Kansas is no good for me.)

Ezra and David took off in the evening for Wichita, but not before a stray Lab ran into our camp and delighted us all with tales of pooping, peeing, and drinking from toilet bowls.

About 4 hours later the owners showed up with another puppy and informed us we could get our very own puppies for $25 from the local shelter. David went in search of a Labradoodle (which I believe half-Labrador Retriever and half-Snickerdoodle) to bring along for the rest of the ride as our mascot.

Another 150 miles tomorrow. Gittyup!

Today’s Numbers:

Miles cycled: 0
Mimes: 34
Sleeps to go: 17
Gang-bangers hitting on pre-teen bikini-clad girls with apathetic parents: 3
Parents Jacob yelled at: 2
Free visits to the pool over two days: 5

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11 Responses to “Day 27 (Rest Day): Mimes, Puppies, and Slide”

  1. Shannon Says:

    Yeah I’m sorry about the mimes. I swear that doesn’t happen ever–well, a lot. But other than that, what exactly makes Newton “crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy”?! That’s 4 crazies!!!

  2. Shannon Says:

    Oh and another thing…in the afternoon I gave you guys “toys” to play with and in the evening I filled up your freakin pot with hot water so you could have some dang pasta! But do I get anything in return? No! Not one single picture of me, just my lazy co-workers.

  3. Jacob Says:

    Please send me two pictures of you… um… in your uniform. I’ll post one and keep the other.

    btw, sorry we didn’t return the toys, the bigger boys stole them.

  4. Shannon Says:

    Haha well if you tell me how I would go about doing that I’ll see what I can do. By the way, your “precious” is like, 14 years old.

  5. Karin Says:

    go to jail. go straight to jail. do not pass go. do not collect £200.

  6. Patty Michaan Says:

    my,my,my…I’m not sure what is gong on in Kansas, sounds like monkey business….I’ll pray for you.

  7. Shannon Says:

    Haha Kansas isn’t as weird as these fools make it out to be I swear!!

  8. Jacob Says:

    Kansas isn’t strange, but some of the strangest things happened to us there. If you really want to be on the website, you can email files to us from the Contact Us page. But I guarantee nothing. Also, please send more photos of The Precious.

  9. Cross Country for Cancer » Blog Archive » Day 40: And then there were four. Says:

    [...] In other news, this website has now reached a new low. I was looking through a report of what people search the web for to find us, and lo-and-behold, “preteen bangers” was on the list. After a quick “wtf” moment, I searched Google and discovered we are ranked as the 17th most relevant website on that topic (though we’ll probably be higher after this post). But before you call NetNanny on us, it’s only because of a unfortunately written sentence in Day 27… something about “gang-bangers” (look at the numbers). Paddy thought this was why the Police approached us at 2am in the park. But I guess Google isn’t that powerful yet… [...]

  10. jerry Says:

    hey bloods and crips girls u look sexy i wish i cou;d see u butt naked

  11. Cross Country for Cancer » Blog Archive » One Year Anniversary: Where are they now? Says:

    [...] In case you don’t recall, Kansas was a stray pup that travelled with us for a brief while. His cuteness could melt the tits off a witch. I uh… I shouldn’t have said that. I’m sorry. But see for yourself: [...]

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