Day 41: Triple Threat

Saturday, August 12th. Tonight we bed down in Waynesburg, PA.

Each morning we rise to the same routine. David wakes us and we all ride off. Only David is gone. So what do we do? We lie in bed for two hours joking around about police officers and singing about how many “sleeps” are left before we reach Baltimore. “Four more sleeps to go! FOUR MORE SLEEPS TO GO!!” To be fair, it was one of our coldest mornings, which is wonderful since most of this trip we’ve woken still sweating from the heat.

In spite of our impending insanity, of which this blog tracks in detail, we managed to ride off by 8:30. A new record for lateness. Go team! I must admit, and nothing personally against the riders who are away, but having four riders is a perfect size. In the morning there is less camp to clean up and packing the car isn’t like playing some real-life version of Tetris with banjos, day packs, cooking items and tents. It’s more like throwing a hot-dog down a hallway. Easy as pie. (Whatever that means… making pie is tough.)

We only had to ride 70 miles today, a mere hop and skip by our averages. In that period, we managed to ride in three states: Ohio, West Virginia, and Pennsylvania. Considering we’ve only passed through eight states in the past five weeks, three in one day is loosely fantastic. As David would say, “I’m amazing!!”

In Key, West Virginia, we stopped for breakfast and, for the second time this trip, enjoyed cereal with real milk. Only the milk tasted like soap, but whatever. More notably, Paddy and Max had a bit of a row before the next stretch of riding. It went something like this:

Paddy pulls chunky chocolate milk out of our cooler-turned-heater (no ice)
Ezra: “That’s the most disgusting thing you’ve touched in days!”
Paddy: “No it’s not, last night I touched Max’s bum.”
Max: “No you didn’t!”
Paddy: “Yes I did touch your bum, it was cold.”
Max: “What, you touched my bum just now?”
Paddy: “No, last night. You were sleeping.”
Max: “You touched my bum while I was sleeping?”
Paddy: “Yes, Maxy. I touched your bum and it was cold.”
Shirtless redneck in yellow truck, who was been watching this the whole time, licks lips.
Max: “Well next time you touch my bu…”
Jacob: “Guys! Shut the **** up!”
Paddy: “Wha?”
Jacob: “You’re going to get us all killed!!

Later in the afternoon we arrived at Waynesburg, PA and asked the Police where we could sleep. They had no idea. You’ve got to understand we’re riding off of the all standard cycling routes. We’re cycling on virgin roads… and that’s why people stare at us without even attempting to be discreet. If we walk into a restaurant, lycra or otherwise, people just stare. And stare… and stare. The waitresses draw straws to see who gets to wait on the foreigners (“I hear they tip in gold-doubloons!”). Or if we ride into a town, people will literally stand five feet from us and just stare without saying a word. You turn and make prolonged eye contact, and they still say nothing. It’s very awkward. (For them. We like it.)

Anyway, I was talking about the sleeping arrangements. The police finally decided to put us a mile east of town at a softball field next to the sewage processing plant. But the final joke is on them: we urinated all over the field. (The bathrooms were locked.) Take that Barnesville Sewage Processing Plant! Ha-ha!

John returned to us thanks to finding our location via the GPS system. The police pointed him to the field where we were staying, and at around 11pm we witnessed some strange man break into our support car. Just as we worked out a way to take him out, we realized it was John. I’m glad we didn’t take any weapons on this trip.

Tomorrow: More Pennsylvania and then Maryland, the final state we’ll visit before dropping like a lead balloon on Baltimore. Also, the triumphant return of David the White (formerly David Gray). Oh, and Max will get lost somehow.

Today’s Numbers:

Miles cycled: 70
Flat tire tally: 39
Powerbar wrappers that opened properly this entire trip: 1 of 97
Sleeps to go: 4
Banging preteen pool parties at our campsite: 2
Morning hours spent justifying “just another 5 minutes” in the sleeping bag: 1.75
Team members currently with us: 5 of 6

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3 Responses to “Day 41: Triple Threat”

  1. Louanne Johnson Says:

    I see you have been challenged by events and have set your sights on shooting from lowly number fourteen to the number one website searched for those interested in preteens. I would further argue that you are not unarmed, as you claim. You have your brains, which are dangerous weapons indeed.

    Stay safe, People!

  2. jude Says:

    Max looks like my dad with that moustache

  3. Roman Says:

    Oh man, that Lord of the Rings photo made me laugh for a good two minutes. And I want them back.

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